At work, we have a big TV, connected to the internet where I can play YouTube videos of Anna Meares, Victoria Pendleton, and any track cycling I like. I’m sure it drives my boss and coworkers crazy, but I love it. I sit there and dream. I watch and I learn. I find motivation to continue on this crazy journey and chase my dreams. I study movements, positions, tactics, form…anything I see, and I visualize how I would do it. I get emotional when I see them celebrate victories and hug their families…and I want that same feeling so bad. I’ve been at this for 7 months now. Every second of the day I’m dedicating to get faster. I work to sustain my ability to train..anything to push my career farther. I’ve never wanted anything so bad. The day I can wear a USA National team kit and represent my country internationally will be one of the proudest moments of my life.
I’m doing this for my parents, my entire family, my supporters, my coach, my sponsors, my country, the younger generations… For the people who said I never could. But most importantly, for myself. To believe in the people who believe in me. To push forward, knowing I could fail, my dreams may shatter, and they are a 1-in-a-million shot. But always knowing, it is possible. I’ll continue to work, to support myself towards this dream and to prove to myself that missing the holidays with my family is worth it. To bring home a medal in Rio. To hear the US National anthem played over the stadium.
I’ll keep studying, and keep this dream alive. I want to win. I want to be the best. And I want to be given the opportunity to do it. And that is what I’m giving myself.
This week, I’m doing some trials. To see where I’ve come since nationals, now uninjured and recovered. These trials are going to help determine how much support I will possibly receive, and what my racing season may entail. I’m hoping for big things, but in the big picture, any improvement is a sign of promise. I’m nervous, scared, and hopeful. But no matter what happens, I’ve got incredible support behind me, and a lot to learn. This dream doesn’t stop this week, It will stop when my heart does.
Spending the holidays away from my family is hard, but having my two favorite boys here isn’t so bad. If I can’t have mountains, frozen lakes, or ski trails…at least we have the ocean. (Kevin and Ryu, running along Huntington Dog Beach, 12/16/12)